Eleventh Update: 11/15/01:

...And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
__________73:25

For God is my King from of old,...
__________74:12


God always has the perfect words to say what we need to say to His.

73:25 says for me "I love You, I need You."
74:12 says for me "Because it is God's Will I yield, I admit that." "He has made you too perfect for me not to."

Though my understanding and use of these scripture is personal my hope is it shared by any who see it it will as well witness, minister, testify, help.
It is for someone I call "HoneyBunny".



Maybe this update should be about someone else and their faith and help to me. I will tell it in the point of view of the receiver, me.
When you fear God's Best but are needed by His Best from Him then you must get them to see your fear hurts me. "Stop", "Free", is the plea I have for so long heard. Now I think I understand how I have been denying and bringing hurt in my fear of Best.
Knowing this now and how it has hurt I think I can say you are right "Stop", "Free", with you and add "Good", "You", "Not Bad". And from this I know now too God loves "Free".
In stopping I hope to add to this learning "Share".

Twelfth Update: 03/15/02
It is as if God said yesterday, "No Turning Back." and my putting this here sort of says, "I heard you Lord, O.K."
"When God Wants It, Your Notice, It Is Praise &/And Worship."


Psalm 29:1-2 NKJV _________________________________



Give Unto The Lord, O You Mighty Ones,
Give Unto The Lord Glory And Strength.
Give Unto The Lord The Glory Due To His Name;
Worship The Lord In The Beauty Of Holiness.



The Lord, Our God, Our Father, has done in creating for Him much good and beautiful work. And not just in the cars, the homes, the clothing, the land we live and work in, but as well in the people He loves and cares for which in different ways we are. That work in God is free and just as God did so free in some cases to be a giving Blessing to others, and specifically maybe to someone, so is our praise and worship, notice in truth, of God by what He has done free.


I learned this about 2 1/2 years ago but only recently learned what I had learned. How? God opened my thoughts to see that, "You're hurting me again." (sin) "You pretend you do not notice what well I have done and in part done, maybe, for you and sent to you." "How can I or could I then give Blessing if you do not notice?" (Worship)

Psalm 28:5 NKJV _________________________________

Because they (me, in this case) do not regard the works of the Lord
Nor the operation of His hands,
He shall destroy them
And not build them up.


In those 2 1/2 years God did exactly this, the above scripture, not harshly as the word destroy might make you think, but in misleading me, not blessing toward the notice (PRAISE AND WORSHIP) of His work and the receiving of it He would have meant and had JOY in me in and in His work. Maybe even His work already knew this.
For as soon as I knew, realized, said so, that more than a simple card was required God was true to His word:

Psalm 28:6-7 NKJV _________________________________

Blessed be the Lord,
Because He has heard the voice of my supplications!
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusted in Him and I am helped;
Therefore my heart greatly rejoices,
And with my song I will praise HIM.



I should say I think, "Thank You, Father. And also for your having heard me during that time." To all who would care I am thankful, Hagan


Thirteenth Update: 08/03/02 _ 8:27pm
Watching tape of NYY(Pettitte) vs ARZ(D'Backs, Counsell at the plate)
2001 World Series Game 2 _ Top 3rd
and working on update thoughts for the site:

I can say I am. I remember in my counseling '88 saying one day in session it's there right in front of me a blindingly bright light. I meant so bright I can see what is there to be seen. A there you don't need to see because you already know what there is. I learn today that is the proof. The certainty. Maybe for me the light is so Bright intentionally for me not to see. Maybe it does not blind out just 'gay' but 'gay' & 'faith'.


Fourteenth Update: 09/29/02 _ 4:47pm

A Personal Prayer
I give thanks Father that you are loving me again as when I was a small child. When you began Father in teaching me about You through Your works whom I would be.
Holy it feels Father and that I Admire, Pray For, And Have Joy In. It makes me feel like Hagan whom The Father has Joy In not Hagan whom I think I am.

In Christ,
And By Grace Him.

My need Father I perceive is not to fear abundance of God which to You may still be lack or Godly Desire for Worship in Your Own Marvelous Works.
That We may continue to grow In Grace for to be a child should not hurt.


A 2nd Personal Prayer
For I Pray Holy God, Father, unto Thee
as all things Yours are neat
and placed, well, where You would
I Pray thinking me a shortcoming
of these things and that a thing
in which I do not do well honor Thee
or feel pleasing in to You.
I Pray over it as Your Word says to me,
Let all things, honoring You,
Given of You,
be done decently and in order.
Lord, I feel this lack of Godly Order
holds back Your Giving, my complete growth,
my being Yours and others.
Be Greatful in me to help Lord in this.
I Pray You may do so through the website
and it honoring You to do so for me even
as it pleases you do other things I see
or am shown evidence done.

AMEN


That I may progress in Hope, Love, and Grace even today in want and command.
That which I ask, that which I need.
Yours, Hagan.


A question answered for that only one who would understand and shared with me:

"Saved." Right."
07-05-2011
Dear Mom,

God Loves You.

I am so very glad to hear from you and you have found the right me in your loving son, Hagan.
With the info you give me I know that you have knowledge and seek knowledge from me as info and
probably as test to verify that I am Hagan, your son, and not some other pretender or the like
who would never have done such a thing as that to you. You are my mom and that would not be right
for me to try and cheat God that way. Though I can in a way understand how being told a secret means
of trying to find God and it having religious connnotation could be persuasive as a means to find God's
will for a man / woman, daughter, who has already been there from their protection by mom within and
and returning could be persuaded as okay but besides all that I cannot even do this function and as I
would not have on my own mom and did not. What I've determined is someone trying to pretend to be you,
as in be me might try to mes with my mom or soemeon else's to be like them because the womb of their mom
is stamped permanently with the spirit of that mom and that child and this is a good way to get into them
for a deceptive or rule-bending as in cheating type of person to obtain blessing of someone else they lack
or themself have have messed up in their own life and like adult teeth rather than baby teeth need a new
replacement for so they may try to steal the not yet or unused blessing of someone else and run away with
that. Not only that si8mply to mess someone else up and caus the loss of blessing evil desires them not
just doing this to cause them trouble of belief they cheated this way themself could be the reason this
may also be done. It seems everything has elitiism and the desire of others that this person or that
person will not eat at the same table the perpetrator may or may not based on whether they messed up or
not no matter what God's will is and this will be defended as a right of chicken or mandatory honoring of
the order of The Bible as for their own perosnal beief, dislike, evil, or messed up themself and have no
other option than one they do not desire like congratulations it's the one you do not want or removal or
according the belief or personage of whom the person offended with this message it could mean death. Mom,
I hope you understand my sort of symbolism talk as it is my hope you better understand some things in life
I may not have had you had any knowledge of.
As for All My Children, the soap, ABC has decided to cancel the soap after many, many years of broadcasting
based on ratings and in my opinion other lesser known reasons of what the soaps accomplish and whether this
is good or not or maybe even in the right hands. In many instances I have found many things we watched were
personal to us and to others and that God works in them and any communication means He chooses to tell the
truth where others even the soaps might not exactly intentionally or because they may not actually know the
truth but can hypothesize with spiritual research to find the truth or through the power of the pen, images,
and other means to bend the truth to a goal or agenda fair or unfair. Thus the right hands or not where God
and man and woman etcetera may be concerned. One Life to Live which I had been somewhat watching also is
slated to be cancelled at the beginning of the new year. Though I hope these cancellations are rescinded
from the statement of the ABC Exec who announced them it sounds fairly definite no reprieve is expected
thus my suspicion "hands" are a very important part of the decision and repercussions currently in effect
from agenda already accomplished and difficult to correct in the world.
Y & R seems to going strong and B & B but in many instances I can hardly understand as I once did where Y & R
in particular is going that it is hard to watch with interpretation and possible direction of accomplishment.
B & B, you know I never watched very much except at it's inception but I know you have watched it and I know
of some of its' actors from other work they did prior. As I know you would right now I would like to see some
of the Another World that you watched all the many years that I did not and see if I can see what you may
have seen. Via the internet and some watching I have and I have serious reservation the Clipper Curtis
character had to do with me and Curtis and your haircutting for us at home and how you never got to cut his.
Clip could even meen me and the clipping I never underwent and any problem from that and how I grew into me.
I am sorry that Curtis was lost to you but that was not your fault at all. A fall is just a fall most times
and I know you never meant Curtis nor any of your children ever any harm except out of love and no love of
yours would lead you to lose one of yours.
I pray mom you'll be just fine until we see each other again which to see you I long for.

Your son,
Hagan